Tuesday, January 15, 2008
JOKESY JOKESY JOKESY JOKE~!!!
8:51 PM
SICK! :O for people who think they are old enough..LOL.
(actually just for nat HAHAHAHA)_________________________________________________________________
A woman woke up and told her husband about a dream she'd just had.
"I was at an auction for penises. The big ones sold for $1000 and the tiny ones for $10." Husband: "What about one my size?"
Wife: "Didn't get a bid!"
Pissed off and wanting revenge, the next morning he told his wife he'd
had a dream too: "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight
ones sold for $1000 and the loose ones for $10."
Wife: "What about ones like mine?"
Husband: "That's where they held the auction."
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Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He yells in,
"Hey, Pop! What are you doin'?"His father says,
"Son, I'm filling your mother's tank."Johnny says,
"Oh, yeah? Well, you better get a model that gets better mileage.
The postman filled her this morning."
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A woman walks into a shop that sells very expensive Persian rugs.
She looks around and spots the perfect rug and walks over to inspect it.
As she bends to feel the texture of the rug she farts loudly. Very embarrassed,
she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident
and hopes a sales person does not pop up at thatmoment. As she turns back,
standing next to her is a salesman."Good day, how may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably, she asks,"Sir, how much does this rug cost?"He answers,
"Lady if you farted just touching it, you're gonna shit in your pants
when you hear what the price is."
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A young man was staying on a farm with his uncle and aunt for the summer.
One morning the aunt and uncle walked in the kitchen and the young man was
drinking an extremely large glass of milk. The young man said "I took the liberty
of milking your cow this morning!" He then continues and says "it took me a while
to get her started up. She must be old and stubbly."
The uncle says with a confused look
" Um son we don't have a cow...We have a bull!"
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There was a little old man who had a bit of a speech impediment.
One day he went shopping, his first stop was at a hardware store.
He went up to the shop assistant and asked "Could I have a fucket
please?"
The assistant asked"Pardon sir?".
"Can I have a fucket please?" Replied the man.
"Oh you mean a bucket!" The shop assistant replied.
The old man said "Yes, that's what I said". So the man paid for his
bucket and went into the antique shop.
In the antique shop he went to the cashier and asked -
"Can I have a cock please?"
The cashier looked very puzzled and asked "Pardon?".
The man again asked "Can I have a cock please?"
The cashier replied "Oh you mean a clock! - yes certainly sir."
So he paid for the clock and walked out of the shop.
The next stop was to the bakers. He went to the assistant and
asked "Can I have a bum please?"
The assistant said "Sorry sir what did you say?".
So he repeated himself "Can I have a bum please?".
The assistant said " Oh right, you mean a bun!".
The old man said "Yes that's what I said in the first place."
So the man bought a bun and walked out of the shop.
As he was walking down the street a little old lady came up to
him and asked "Excuse me sir, but do you know the time?"
The man replied "Yes certainly, hold my bum and fucket while
I get my cock out."
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TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN
Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the
last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not
get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about
this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room,
strip off their habits, and paint in the nude.
In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.
"Who is it?", calls one of the nuns.
"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.
The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no
harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.
"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"
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Random lame article
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Bell Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers
For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted light.However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven otherwise. Electricbulbs don't emit light, they suck dark.
Thus they now call these bulbsdark suckers.
The dark sucker theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of light, and that dark is faster than light.
The basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck dark.
Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where you are.
There is less dark right next to them than there is elsewhere.
The larger the darksucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark.
Dark suckers in a parking lot have a much greater capacity than the ones in this room.
As with all things, dark suckers don't last forever.
Once they are full of dark, theycan no longer suck.
This is proven by the black spot on a full darksucker.
A candle is a primitive dark sucker. A new candle has a whitewick.
You will notice that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing
all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a pencil next to the
wick of an operating candle, the tip will turn black because it got in the path
of the dark flowing into the candle.
Unfortunately, these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range.
There are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle all
of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark storage unit. When
the dark storage unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before
the portable dark sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass.
When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from this
mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an operating dark
sucker. Candles present a special problem, as the dark must travel in the
solid wick instead of through glass. This generates a great amount of
heat. Thus it can be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is
also heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice it gets
slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of approximately fifty
feet, you are in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to
the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats to the top. The
immense power of dark can be utilized to mans advantage. We can collect
the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push it through
turbines, which generate electricity and help push it to the ocean where it
may be safely stored. Prior to turbines, it was much more difficult to get
dark from the rivers and lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this
problem, and tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in
the same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly, so as not
to stop the flow of dark, but when they traveled against the flow of dark,
they paddled quickly so as to help push the dark along its way.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to
stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark closet, then
the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet, but
since the dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the
closet.
In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all our lives
much easier. So the next time you look at an electric bulb remember that
it is indeed a dark sucker.
Author Unknown
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Normal Jokes. i guess.
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A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread
[After a few minutes]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: Look, we don't have any bread
[In a little while]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread!
[Some time later]
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more
I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar..................
Duck: You got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: You got any bread?
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`struggling; .z.R.
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